breathe

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am. I am. I am. ~ Slyvia Plath

Photos from a time I wasn't able to breathe much at all, bronchitis lungs, baby occupying my center, and a winter of dirty air and little sunshine. On this day I found my lungs clear with the clean, heavy air of green space. I felt sunshine. I felt lightness. I felt alive. Every breath this day was a gift.

A huge thank you to one of my very best friends, Cynthia, for being my muse this cold, winter day.

 

Contax 645 ~ Fuji 400H ~ Photovision Film Lab ~ Shop Gossamer Gown

Brooke & Lane Bridals ~ Utah Wedding Photographer

Bridal photography has a special place in my heart. There's something beautiful about being in this space with two people deeply in love, dressed in the clothes chosen as a commitment. Life won't always be this fancy. Maybe it will never be this fancy again. Life will be painting your new apartment, stains on your shorts, or kids, and spit-up on your shirt. There will be packing for your first big move, dust covering everything, and honestly, that's the kind or realness that makes up a full life. But for right now, cherish this fancy, beautiful, just the two of us times, with gowns, and flowers, and all the promise of tomorrow. It's the foundation of the very, very, very beginning. One day your grandchildren will look at these pictures, as I looked at mine, and marvel at your newness and how lovely you looked. Because what they are really marveling at is two people before they ever knew them, your freshness and your promise.These are magic days!

Gown: Alta Moda ~ Augusta Jones Contax 645 ~ Fuji 400H

Ballerina on Film

Just a glimpse of something beautiful.

Florals: La Fete ~ Gown: Leanne Marshall ~ Model: Sophie Baddley

Baby Three ~ 8 weeks, 19 weeks, 37 weeks

Baby girl, right now you are 39.5 weeks, and we are preparing for your arrival any day. Your dad is making cookies for the nurses, my hospital bag is packed and re-packed. My energy is like a million bouncy balls flung off a high rise, bounding in a million directions. I don't know what to focus on (the house is clean, the baby clothes washed, gifts from all who love you, carefully tucked into my bag.) To say you were a surprise doesn't even begin to describe the wonder of you. From the moment I first had an inkling you were even a possibility, my heart hasn't stopped exploding. To understand all of my complicated emotions would take years to unravel. The years of wanting, the years of trying, the years of growing your siblings under sterile conditions, in Dr.'s offices. And here you came, carefree and easy, lightning in the middle of summer day. I've had a hard time believing in you, but you constantly proved to me that you are here, and a force all your own. Now we are days, hours, heart beats from meeting you, and I've barely registered that you are my last baby. The last one to claim occupancy in the physical space below my heart. You are the beginning of all my lasts. I've vowed to be present in this final stretch. To not be scared. To embrace what my body, so foreign and unyielding for so many years, was capable of.

We all love you and dream of you. I watch you move, a constellation in your own orbit. I hear your heartbeat, steady and comforting. Your siblings, who talk to you every day, Lucy, whispering she dreamt of you and your brother, who named you. Your Father magically soothing all the crazy that becomes me, when combined with you. We love you with all of our beings, baby girl.

Please come soon.

XOXO

Mom

My sunshine friend Sarah Knight, documented three stages of my pregnancy with the now discontinued Fujifilm FP-3000B. These instant photos are so fleetingly beautiful. A moment, a smile, a growing belly, a spontaneous tackle hug, never to revisited except in my heart and these tangible witnesses. I'm forever grateful Sarah!

  

Cynthia ~ A peak

Laura's Garden Bridals

She's a Championship rider, and is a ringer for Taylor Swift, but what stands out most about Laura is her grace and kindness. Is it old-fashioned to call her a lady? Because's Laura's a Lady, through and through.

Amanda and Landon ~ Utah Spring Wedding

It was a Spring day, cloudy and slightly chilly.

The day was suppose to rain, and then it didn't.

She wore a fitted, beaded gown, he wore a blue suit.

He made her laugh. She held his hand.

The sun glowed when they danced.

Then he spun and kissed her. They could see the whole world.

Amanda and Landon have a million stories in their hearts from their wedding. I'm just here to get help that memory be tangible. To be revisited and remembered and cherished. Congratulations Amanda and Landon.

Vendors: Dress and veil: The Perfect Dress ~ Flowers: Frostwood Designs ~ Invitations: Piper Morgan

Bridesmaid Dresses: Susan Memmott Allred ~ Groom's Tux: True Gentleman Supply Co.

Groom' Shoes and Socks: Aldo ~ Bride's Shoes: Anthropologie

Groomsman Pants: H&M ~ Videographers: Fielding Films

Cake: Liz Goodell ~ DJ: Josiah Kinikini ~ Caterer: Lori Tolbert

Cook Family ~ Utah Family Summer Session

I photographed Brooke and Jake's wedding 5 years, ago and they were so in love then, but look at them now! Time goes by, 2 becomes 4, and life is all the sweeter and crazier for it. Instead of flowers and a catered dinner, we had messy Popsicles and a trampoline. Brooke and Jake got about 5 seconds alone time, before being bomb-dived (kids, they KNOW,) and I've never seen them happier.

I love these simple sessions; a family unit, in their home, doing their thing. There are a million wonderful moments ahead of you, but this moment right here, doesn't last nearly as long as you think it will. These stages can feel like years (hello, sleep deprivation never goes away,) but more often than not, in feels like seconds. I feel lucky that I was there to capture one of their blinks in time.

Thank you Brooke and Jake for letting me into your home and spending a late afternoon with me!

Amanda and Landon ~ Utah Spring Engagements

When happiness feels like sunshine. That's Amanda and Landon!

I love these happy Spring engagements, on the warmest of Utah days.

Schultz Family ~ First home loves

I believe in showing your heart, but sometimes I let self-doubt and worry hold mine back. I'm not sure why. Mainly it's because I want to be perfect all the time. And I'm most definitely not, so I come up short ALLLLL the time. So, I decided to let go of that. To not worry about perfection, but to just be present. To witness this moment in time, a place of transition for Brooke and her beautiful family. They are leaving this space, and exchanging mountains for oceans. It's got me thinking. Home is those you love, but it's also that physicality of location. The safety net of where you bring your babies home to, and cook in and fight in, and sleep in and love in. It's where you go for refuge. It's the protector of secret heart-aches and dreams. Homes are alive to me, active and messy. I wanted to capture home, the verb, not the noun. And that version isn't perfect, but it's very, very real. Brooke is talented and lovely, a good Momma and a good woman. She's been a friend to me, and I'm so happy I got to share in this afternoon with her sweet family.

Devon & Jake ~ Published Utah Bride Blog ~ Homestead Resort

I'm so excited to share Devon and Jake's beautiful summer wedding, which is currently featured in Utah Bride blog's lovely, online magazine. Devon are the epitome of grace and kindness. I loved every second of working with them, from their sweet pups Utley and Scout and Carousel, to the beautiful flowers and gown. It was a perfect and happy day. Thank you Devon and Jake for the beautiful time and Utah Bride Blog for the wonderful feature! Please see below for all the vendors who contributed to make Devon and Jake's such a sweet one.

Flowers: Flower Afternoon ~ Venue: Homestead Resort ~ Dress: Bride Shop ~ Suit: Jos A Bank ~ Bridesmaids: J.Crew ~ Rings: Blue Nile ~ Life of the Party

Abandoned Mansion | Film Editorial

“Love her, love her, love her! If she favours you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces – and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper – love her, love her, love her!” -Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

I've always loved the darker side of things. Wuthering Heights was the first book that I really remember inhaling (anyone else read like that?) I like stormy days, and songs in minor, wandering souls, and I've been a lover of fairy tales as long as I can remember. Early spring tends to bring this side out of me, and Allison, of La Feté, and I were inspired by the darker side of fairy tales, with a little Great Expectation mixed in. We wanted a shoot that was haunting, emotive, and follows the journey of a girl, neglected in her wedding finery, waiting for her lost love.

There are so many stories I want to tell about this shoot, which we secretly dubbed, haunted mansion. From my assistant falling into a rotting pool of water, flowers three days late, some blood and near fainting, there was definite a bit of misadventure going on as well. But that is what makes what we do such a great adventure. Read below for all the amazing contributors, who lent their talents and gifts to our labor of love!

If you'd like to see, Abandoned Mansion was featured on Magnolia Rouge! Eek! Also, I wanted to send a lot of love to Allison, La Feté. She has been an amazing collaborator, friend, artist and soul sister. There was a lot going on during this shoot, and she still created the most beautiful world. Thank you Allison!

Many thanks to,

Model: Amanda Larsen, for being embodying our concept, being a beautiful soul inside and out, and putting up with a whole lot of crazy, all while maintaining happy spirits. You are amazing! Florals/Stylist: Allison Baddley from La Feté MUA: Flavia from Versa Artistry Invitation Suite: Pink Piggy Design Cake: Tauri with Pippa Cakery: tauri@pippacakery.com Cake Stand and Tablescape chairs: Maison Boutique Chaise and broken chair: Lynette with Refined Vintage Assistants: Kate Lovell, and Jenny Bradley

Catherine and Jama | Utah Backyard Wedding

Catherine and Jama are the start of something really, really wonderful. I loved my time with them! Time spent exploring mountains, and eating tacos, running through fireworks and celebrating their happiness! It's been pretty much the best. Thank you for having me along for the journey! Congratulations Catherine and Jama!

Also, a shout-out to Lizy Bowden for the gorgeous flowers. She is amazing!

Flowers: Lizy Bowden, Lizy's Lilies Cake: Janessa Jones