Baby Three ~ 8 weeks, 19 weeks, 37 weeks

Baby girl, right now you are 39.5 weeks, and we are preparing for your arrival any day. Your dad is making cookies for the nurses, my hospital bag is packed and re-packed. My energy is like a million bouncy balls flung off a high rise, bounding in a million directions. I don't know what to focus on (the house is clean, the baby clothes washed, gifts from all who love you, carefully tucked into my bag.) To say you were a surprise doesn't even begin to describe the wonder of you. From the moment I first had an inkling you were even a possibility, my heart hasn't stopped exploding. To understand all of my complicated emotions would take years to unravel. The years of wanting, the years of trying, the years of growing your siblings under sterile conditions, in Dr.'s offices. And here you came, carefree and easy, lightning in the middle of summer day. I've had a hard time believing in you, but you constantly proved to me that you are here, and a force all your own. Now we are days, hours, heart beats from meeting you, and I've barely registered that you are my last baby. The last one to claim occupancy in the physical space below my heart. You are the beginning of all my lasts. I've vowed to be present in this final stretch. To not be scared. To embrace what my body, so foreign and unyielding for so many years, was capable of.

We all love you and dream of you. I watch you move, a constellation in your own orbit. I hear your heartbeat, steady and comforting. Your siblings, who talk to you every day, Lucy, whispering she dreamt of you and your brother, who named you. Your Father magically soothing all the crazy that becomes me, when combined with you. We love you with all of our beings, baby girl.

Please come soon.

XOXO

Mom

My sunshine friend Sarah Knight, documented three stages of my pregnancy with the now discontinued Fujifilm FP-3000B. These instant photos are so fleetingly beautiful. A moment, a smile, a growing belly, a spontaneous tackle hug, never to revisited except in my heart and these tangible witnesses. I'm forever grateful Sarah!

  

Cook Family ~ Utah Family Summer Session

I photographed Brooke and Jake's wedding 5 years, ago and they were so in love then, but look at them now! Time goes by, 2 becomes 4, and life is all the sweeter and crazier for it. Instead of flowers and a catered dinner, we had messy Popsicles and a trampoline. Brooke and Jake got about 5 seconds alone time, before being bomb-dived (kids, they KNOW,) and I've never seen them happier.

I love these simple sessions; a family unit, in their home, doing their thing. There are a million wonderful moments ahead of you, but this moment right here, doesn't last nearly as long as you think it will. These stages can feel like years (hello, sleep deprivation never goes away,) but more often than not, in feels like seconds. I feel lucky that I was there to capture one of their blinks in time.

Thank you Brooke and Jake for letting me into your home and spending a late afternoon with me!

Schultz Family ~ First home loves

I believe in showing your heart, but sometimes I let self-doubt and worry hold mine back. I'm not sure why. Mainly it's because I want to be perfect all the time. And I'm most definitely not, so I come up short ALLLLL the time. So, I decided to let go of that. To not worry about perfection, but to just be present. To witness this moment in time, a place of transition for Brooke and her beautiful family. They are leaving this space, and exchanging mountains for oceans. It's got me thinking. Home is those you love, but it's also that physicality of location. The safety net of where you bring your babies home to, and cook in and fight in, and sleep in and love in. It's where you go for refuge. It's the protector of secret heart-aches and dreams. Homes are alive to me, active and messy. I wanted to capture home, the verb, not the noun. And that version isn't perfect, but it's very, very real. Brooke is talented and lovely, a good Momma and a good woman. She's been a friend to me, and I'm so happy I got to share in this afternoon with her sweet family.

Miller's ~ Utah Family Photographer

I first met Sharstin at a Valentine's party. I will never forget it, because one of my favorite Lucy stories happened there (Lucy snuck bags of candy in her skirt, and was sneakily eating the entire cookie decoration stash, while I was photographing.) I will also never forget the meeting because, seriously, Sharstin and her girls are stunningly beautiful. Beautiful in the beautiful inside, beautiful outside kinda way. She was pregnant with her sweet Leo, and I just had Jack, and I felt a kinship of talking to another Mother about boys (since I was a novice in that department.)

Sharstin has become a friend, and I can't think of a sweeter family. If you know Sharstin, you know this to be true. And it was a great honor to photograph a moment in their life. Moments are fleeting, and I've been guilty of missing a lot of my own lately. When babies are taking their first steps, and getting their first teeth. When sons are growing up, but not too cool to run with their little sister. When everyone is crying and laughing and spinning. I'll take it, and photograph it, and keep a tiny bit for my story too.

Thank you so much Sharstin and Andrew! XOXO

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Mikki and Braydon ~ Utah Family Session

It's the new year, and for some reason this post is all tied into life, and present-ness, moments, and you know, all THE THINGS that I/we want to be and feel and do. This post is a little bit about photo locations gone a bust, but more about baby kisses, and messy hair, and the imperfectly perfect moments that are gone before you know it. Lucky us, though, because there are a million more we get to experience. Life seems to be so meta lately, and anticipating the perfect Instagram image, and missing the real life happening behind it (guilty.) And so, when I look at these pictures I'm filled with happiness that an opportunity was not wasted to capture life--wonderful, crazy, spinning, running, joyous, stressful, incredibly real life. And although I'm not making any official resolutions this year, I guess I kind of am. Because I want to be experiencing my life in real time and not as I scroll through a social media feed (Oh, and more sleep! Always more sleep.)

So, Thank you, Mikki, Braydon, and littles, for letting me into your life and document this bit of time for you. You are amazing!

Happy New Year's!

Miller Family | Utah Summer Families

It's been families, kiddos, families, love, all September and October! I'm going to catch a big breath, and then post all this loving happiness!

Lazy Saturday

About a month ago Lucy and I went out to Colorado Springs to visit my sister's family, and to spend time with our brand new niece, Harper. Lucy was in heaven. This is the closest she has ever been to a baby, and she was a little obsessed (read, want to touch all the time.) We crammed a lot of fun into two days, but maybe my favorite thing we did was the lazy Saturday. The kind where you stay in your pajamas, eat pancakes, and have a dance party.

We sure miss everyone, but were grateful for the short little visit, and Lucy now calls all babies now, "Hawper." Oh, and for the record, my 3200 speed film went just fine through the airport scanner. Whew! Now, I know.