breathe

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am. I am. I am. ~ Slyvia Plath

Photos from a time I wasn't able to breathe much at all, bronchitis lungs, baby occupying my center, and a winter of dirty air and little sunshine. On this day I found my lungs clear with the clean, heavy air of green space. I felt sunshine. I felt lightness. I felt alive. Every breath this day was a gift.

A huge thank you to one of my very best friends, Cynthia, for being my muse this cold, winter day.

 

Contax 645 ~ Fuji 400H ~ Photovision Film Lab ~ Shop Gossamer Gown

Baby Three ~ 8 weeks, 19 weeks, 37 weeks

Baby girl, right now you are 39.5 weeks, and we are preparing for your arrival any day. Your dad is making cookies for the nurses, my hospital bag is packed and re-packed. My energy is like a million bouncy balls flung off a high rise, bounding in a million directions. I don't know what to focus on (the house is clean, the baby clothes washed, gifts from all who love you, carefully tucked into my bag.) To say you were a surprise doesn't even begin to describe the wonder of you. From the moment I first had an inkling you were even a possibility, my heart hasn't stopped exploding. To understand all of my complicated emotions would take years to unravel. The years of wanting, the years of trying, the years of growing your siblings under sterile conditions, in Dr.'s offices. And here you came, carefree and easy, lightning in the middle of summer day. I've had a hard time believing in you, but you constantly proved to me that you are here, and a force all your own. Now we are days, hours, heart beats from meeting you, and I've barely registered that you are my last baby. The last one to claim occupancy in the physical space below my heart. You are the beginning of all my lasts. I've vowed to be present in this final stretch. To not be scared. To embrace what my body, so foreign and unyielding for so many years, was capable of.

We all love you and dream of you. I watch you move, a constellation in your own orbit. I hear your heartbeat, steady and comforting. Your siblings, who talk to you every day, Lucy, whispering she dreamt of you and your brother, who named you. Your Father magically soothing all the crazy that becomes me, when combined with you. We love you with all of our beings, baby girl.

Please come soon.

XOXO

Mom

My sunshine friend Sarah Knight, documented three stages of my pregnancy with the now discontinued Fujifilm FP-3000B. These instant photos are so fleetingly beautiful. A moment, a smile, a growing belly, a spontaneous tackle hug, never to revisited except in my heart and these tangible witnesses. I'm forever grateful Sarah!

  

Abandoned Mansion | Film Editorial

“Love her, love her, love her! If she favours you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces – and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper – love her, love her, love her!” -Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

I've always loved the darker side of things. Wuthering Heights was the first book that I really remember inhaling (anyone else read like that?) I like stormy days, and songs in minor, wandering souls, and I've been a lover of fairy tales as long as I can remember. Early spring tends to bring this side out of me, and Allison, of La Feté, and I were inspired by the darker side of fairy tales, with a little Great Expectation mixed in. We wanted a shoot that was haunting, emotive, and follows the journey of a girl, neglected in her wedding finery, waiting for her lost love.

There are so many stories I want to tell about this shoot, which we secretly dubbed, haunted mansion. From my assistant falling into a rotting pool of water, flowers three days late, some blood and near fainting, there was definite a bit of misadventure going on as well. But that is what makes what we do such a great adventure. Read below for all the amazing contributors, who lent their talents and gifts to our labor of love!

If you'd like to see, Abandoned Mansion was featured on Magnolia Rouge! Eek! Also, I wanted to send a lot of love to Allison, La Feté. She has been an amazing collaborator, friend, artist and soul sister. There was a lot going on during this shoot, and she still created the most beautiful world. Thank you Allison!

Many thanks to,

Model: Amanda Larsen, for being embodying our concept, being a beautiful soul inside and out, and putting up with a whole lot of crazy, all while maintaining happy spirits. You are amazing! Florals/Stylist: Allison Baddley from La Feté MUA: Flavia from Versa Artistry Invitation Suite: Pink Piggy Design Cake: Tauri with Pippa Cakery: tauri@pippacakery.com Cake Stand and Tablescape chairs: Maison Boutique Chaise and broken chair: Lynette with Refined Vintage Assistants: Kate Lovell, and Jenny Bradley

La Bicylette Editorial

A summer day inspired by La Bicylette, picnics, and flowers found on the way. La bonne vie!

As always, beautiful flowers by Allison of La Fete, (my favorite co-conspirator) and we were so lucky to work with the incredibly lovely Hayley as model. Thank you Eva's for generously sharing your space and Jade Marie and Ash Sylvester for Make-Up and Hair!

 

Florals/Co-Conspirator: Allison Baddley, La Fete Model: Hayley Bradley Make-up: Jade Marie, Kissable Complexions Hair: Ash Sylvester

Love Elements Trompe l'oiel ~ floral pattern, dahlias, strawberries

For the latest installation of our Love Elements series, Allison, of Late Fete, and I wanted something simple, happy, and bright! It's this time of winter when Spring might technically be closer, but it feels very, very far away. We thought it would be fun to play with color and pattern, and the results are so shiny and colorful. It makes my heart sing, to see such happy colors.

From Allison, "This is that time of year where we long for the warmth of sun on our faces, flowers as far as the eyes can see, juicy strawberries and color - lots of it! We truly believe, as Audrey Hepburn said, "happy girls are the prettiest girls" and this was the case with our beautiful and sweet model Alex Pynes. She embodies happiness. For this collaboration, we wanted to do a "trompe l'oie"and layer fabric and bright floral together because really sometimes we are surprised by a love that has been there all along, right in front or our eyes."

I think I love these pictures even more, knowing that it was snowing and freezing, hahaha! And we made a last minute background change, literally 5 minutes before the shoot. The best laid plans...

florals: La Fete, Model: Alex Pynes

mountain elopement, three | Utah Elopement Photographer

My heart explodes a little when I see these images. I love them so much. Life should be filled with adventure and love. I was reading, somewhere, that happiness comes from trying new things. Putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, where the outcome isn't a guarantee. The adventure is the spice, the challenge that broadens your horizon. That's how I feel about these. So many adventures here, with beautiful, wild souls. That wraps up our Mountain Elopement! See the other installments here and here. Thank you Kate Lovell, Valen Hunter, Kali Chris and Rachel and Blake. Muah! Muah! Muah! I think I owe Rachel and Blake a lifetime of hot chocolate. For reals.

Mallory | Editorial

Winter was long, long, long this year. Although it is already becoming a bit of a memory, I know I can't be the only one who feels that way. And while the sun was hiding behind a bitter, (BITTER!) inversion cloud, I decided I would get out and explore, once warmth made it's annual, blessed, reappearance. This was the result of a collaboration, on one beautiful March day. Specifically, I was interested in light and shade, and the emotion created by the imperfect use of both, but I may have gotten a little distracted by Mallory's hair. Just.A.Little.

So here are the results of one sunny day with two good friends! Thank you Mikki and Mallory for being such lovely people. Check out Mikki's version of our shoot here. I love seeing another creative's point of view. And for the record, I just love these girls.

Light | Shadow | personal work

It's hard for me to justify personal work these days. I have a newborn, a busy three-year-old, a husband, my clients, a crazy home that's always messy, and a million other things that are more pressing, needing my immediate attention.

But it's been a long, cold winter, and I needed to break out and experiment a little. A little push on the borders is good and necessary. And so I did, and these are just a peak.

Thank you Mallory and Mikki for being my co-conspirators!