The Imperfect Mother

Being a mom is hard. It's really annoying when other people tell you that when you are pregnant. But it's true. And a couple of weeks ago Lucy and I were having some rough days. I couldn't get her juice fast enough, I got her the wrong color sippy cup, she wanted to watch Bambi! No, she wanted Tangled! She got into the permanent markers. She scratched the new TV, the one we saved for two years for. I always thought I would be the kind of parent who never lost her temper. Would always be calm, always patient. But the last 3 months have opened my eyes to the reality that two-year-old's have the unique ability of stretching your last nerve to the breaking point. Why is that? On the one hand, they are the sweetest things in the world, wanting to dress just like you, and brush your hair, and sit on your lap, and on the other, they are miniature dictators, that demand all of your time, energy and attention. And when Lucy scratched the TV, I got mad. Not screaming mad, but mad enough to make my little girl cry. I felt awful. Lucy crawled into my lap, crying, "Mommy mad. Lucy naughty," which is about when my heart broke.

Maybe not my finest moment.

And then things turn around and Lucy has been so sweet and playful and silly lately. She continues to skip wherever we walk, and make up stories. I hear her singing in her crib (bumble bee, bumble bee landing on my nose,) and she crawls into bed in the morning with me, and we whisper and giggle. The other day she took her shark finger puppet, had it eat her pasta, and when the pasta got stuck to the felt she said, "No, no shark! This is Lucy bear's food." I don't know why, but that kills me. Or there was the time at church, when she was sitting on Scott's lap, and he asked her where all his hair went? She got very serious, stood up on his lap, looked at his head, and proclaimed, "I found one!" We took a walk up Millcreek canyon yesterday, and she was so proud in her pink snow suit. We threw snowballs, and looked for Bambi, and I told her stories about bunnies and rainbows and snow, while Scott carried her on his shoulders. And when she wanted to walk, her cute little legs would run, "really fast!"

I may not be perfect. But I'm pretty sure Lucy knows that I love her more than anything. I think that counts for a lot, right? And when I walk in the door and she cries, "there's my mommy!" I know she loves me too. And we have had lots of talks since then about not touching the TV or drawing with pen on the couch. Patience. I'm working on it.

Oh, and these photos, just from another walk we took. I'm pretty sure I only bring my camera when we take walks.