breathe

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am. I am. I am. ~ Slyvia Plath

Photos from a time I wasn't able to breathe much at all, bronchitis lungs, baby occupying my center, and a winter of dirty air and little sunshine. On this day I found my lungs clear with the clean, heavy air of green space. I felt sunshine. I felt lightness. I felt alive. Every breath this day was a gift.

A huge thank you to one of my very best friends, Cynthia, for being my muse this cold, winter day.

 

Contax 645 ~ Fuji 400H ~ Photovision Film Lab ~ Shop Gossamer Gown

Brooke & Lane Bridals ~ Utah Wedding Photographer

Bridal photography has a special place in my heart. There's something beautiful about being in this space with two people deeply in love, dressed in the clothes chosen as a commitment. Life won't always be this fancy. Maybe it will never be this fancy again. Life will be painting your new apartment, stains on your shorts, or kids, and spit-up on your shirt. There will be packing for your first big move, dust covering everything, and honestly, that's the kind or realness that makes up a full life. But for right now, cherish this fancy, beautiful, just the two of us times, with gowns, and flowers, and all the promise of tomorrow. It's the foundation of the very, very, very beginning. One day your grandchildren will look at these pictures, as I looked at mine, and marvel at your newness and how lovely you looked. Because what they are really marveling at is two people before they ever knew them, your freshness and your promise.These are magic days!

Gown: Alta Moda ~ Augusta Jones Contax 645 ~ Fuji 400H

Ballerina on Film

Just a glimpse of something beautiful.

Florals: La Fete ~ Gown: Leanne Marshall ~ Model: Sophie Baddley

Baby Three ~ 8 weeks, 19 weeks, 37 weeks

Baby girl, right now you are 39.5 weeks, and we are preparing for your arrival any day. Your dad is making cookies for the nurses, my hospital bag is packed and re-packed. My energy is like a million bouncy balls flung off a high rise, bounding in a million directions. I don't know what to focus on (the house is clean, the baby clothes washed, gifts from all who love you, carefully tucked into my bag.) To say you were a surprise doesn't even begin to describe the wonder of you. From the moment I first had an inkling you were even a possibility, my heart hasn't stopped exploding. To understand all of my complicated emotions would take years to unravel. The years of wanting, the years of trying, the years of growing your siblings under sterile conditions, in Dr.'s offices. And here you came, carefree and easy, lightning in the middle of summer day. I've had a hard time believing in you, but you constantly proved to me that you are here, and a force all your own. Now we are days, hours, heart beats from meeting you, and I've barely registered that you are my last baby. The last one to claim occupancy in the physical space below my heart. You are the beginning of all my lasts. I've vowed to be present in this final stretch. To not be scared. To embrace what my body, so foreign and unyielding for so many years, was capable of.

We all love you and dream of you. I watch you move, a constellation in your own orbit. I hear your heartbeat, steady and comforting. Your siblings, who talk to you every day, Lucy, whispering she dreamt of you and your brother, who named you. Your Father magically soothing all the crazy that becomes me, when combined with you. We love you with all of our beings, baby girl.

Please come soon.

XOXO

Mom

My sunshine friend Sarah Knight, documented three stages of my pregnancy with the now discontinued Fujifilm FP-3000B. These instant photos are so fleetingly beautiful. A moment, a smile, a growing belly, a spontaneous tackle hug, never to revisited except in my heart and these tangible witnesses. I'm forever grateful Sarah!

  

Cynthia ~ A peak

Floral Sneak Peak

One pretty shot from a recent shoot with Wedding Paper Divas and La Fete Floral.

Kettle Family ~ Utah Family Photographer

Love this sweet session of my beautiful friend, Jessica, and her beautiful family, on a really, really, really cold December day. ,

Katelin and Tony ~ Cliffrose Lodge Wedding

The mountains are calling, and I must go ~ John Muir

Here is a peak and Katelin and Tony's beautiful wedding in the shadow of Zion National Park. Zion always makes my heart sing, and I was honored to share in this beautiful, epic, absolutely amazing day at the Cliffrose Lodge in Springdale, Utah. From thoughtful details (local agate and stone, prickly pear cocktails, succulents and custom invitations,) to a sweet Ceremony and killer dance party, it was a perfect day! Thank you so much for having me out to share with you two!

Florals: By Bloomers ~ Venue: Cliffrose Lodge ~ Cake: Sweet Tooth Fairy

Invitation Design: Tara Stephens ~ Gown: Love and Lace Bridal ~ Ring: 9th & 9th Jewelers

Suit: Custom made in Vietnam ~ Band: Friends of the couple ~ Wedding Planning: Zion Party Rentals

Maddy and Garrett ~ Utah Mountain Bridals

What's better than putting your wedding dress on once? Putting it on a second time! Maddy and Garrett had such a lovely wedding day, we decided to head out on a "slightly" warmer Autumn afternoon, and do a post-wedding and bridal session in the Utah mountains. There is probably nothing better than the Utah Mountains in the Autumn. Maaaaaybe salted chocolate. I'm so lucky to have spent this happy afternoon with Maddy and Garrett, documenting their almost-year anniversary. What a sweet way to honor their happiness.

Gown: Leanne Marshall via Alta Moda

Courtney & Josh ~ Utah Autumn Bridals

Cou

Maddy and Garrett ~ Utah Winter Wedding

Love at -10 degrees never looked so beautiful!

Planner: La Fete Floral ~ Florist: Tinge Floral ~ Gown: Alta Moda, Leanne Marshall ~ Lighting: Moonlighting Utah ~ Venue: This is the Place ~ Band: The Gatsby ~ Rentals: Alpine Rental ~ Cake: Cakes de Fleur ~ Catering: Le Croissant ~ Videographer: Cassandra Taylor

Kokedama Garden ~ Utah Bride & Groom Magazine Editorial

It was a dream creating this secret kokedama garden on a snowy day with Allison of La Fete Floral. We are incredibly honored to have it featured in Utah Bride and Groom Magazine's current publication. A huge thank you to all the amazing vendors, listed below, who inspired and created with us.

Photography/Creator/Stylist: Green Apple Photography ~ Florals/Creator/Stylist: Allison Baddley/La Fete Floral and Design ~ Cake: Cakes de Fleur ~ Gown: Avenia Bridal ~ Suit: Beckett Robb ~ MUA: April Benincosa ~ Paper Goods: October Ink ~ Lighting: Moonlighting Utah ~ Rentals: Diamond Rental ~ Jewelery: Katie Waltman ~ Venue: Trolley Square ~ Decor: Anthropologie/West Elm ~ Models: Jacee Horne & Stafford Thomas

Caroline and Jack ~ Snowbasin Wedding

Snow and Peonies, Family and Intimacy, Springtime and Mountains: Caroline and Jack's wedding was filled with moments that were tender and hilarious, beautiful and awe-inspiring. I love the changing of the seasons, and that winter hadn't quite let go of her snowy hold for Caroline and Jack's spring wedding: beautiful example of extremes from the top to bottom of the mountain. Maybe life is like that sometimes, beauty in the extremes. A million wishes for Caroline and Jack and their life to hold just as much love and adventure as this beautiful day in late May.

Vendors: | Venue, Catering, and Bakery – Snowbasin Ski Resort | Floral – Blossom Sweet | Wedding Planning, Rentals, and Linens – FUSE Weddings and Events | Stationery – Julie Hanan Design | Calligraphy – Karlie Noel Calligraphy | Favors – Dodd Coffee | Favor Bags – Details on Demand | Videography – Jared Fadel | Band – Jersey Street | Hair and Makeup – Stephanie Brinkerhoff | Gown – Whittingham Bridal

Laura's Garden Bridals

She's a Championship rider, and is a ringer for Taylor Swift, but what stands out most about Laura is her grace and kindness. Is it old-fashioned to call her a lady? Because's Laura's a Lady, through and through.

Amanda and Landon ~ Utah Spring Wedding

It was a Spring day, cloudy and slightly chilly.

The day was suppose to rain, and then it didn't.

She wore a fitted, beaded gown, he wore a blue suit.

He made her laugh. She held his hand.

The sun glowed when they danced.

Then he spun and kissed her. They could see the whole world.

Amanda and Landon have a million stories in their hearts from their wedding. I'm just here to get help that memory be tangible. To be revisited and remembered and cherished. Congratulations Amanda and Landon.

Vendors: Dress and veil: The Perfect Dress ~ Flowers: Frostwood Designs ~ Invitations: Piper Morgan

Bridesmaid Dresses: Susan Memmott Allred ~ Groom's Tux: True Gentleman Supply Co.

Groom' Shoes and Socks: Aldo ~ Bride's Shoes: Anthropologie

Groomsman Pants: H&M ~ Videographers: Fielding Films

Cake: Liz Goodell ~ DJ: Josiah Kinikini ~ Caterer: Lori Tolbert

Cook Family ~ Utah Family Summer Session

I photographed Brooke and Jake's wedding 5 years, ago and they were so in love then, but look at them now! Time goes by, 2 becomes 4, and life is all the sweeter and crazier for it. Instead of flowers and a catered dinner, we had messy Popsicles and a trampoline. Brooke and Jake got about 5 seconds alone time, before being bomb-dived (kids, they KNOW,) and I've never seen them happier.

I love these simple sessions; a family unit, in their home, doing their thing. There are a million wonderful moments ahead of you, but this moment right here, doesn't last nearly as long as you think it will. These stages can feel like years (hello, sleep deprivation never goes away,) but more often than not, in feels like seconds. I feel lucky that I was there to capture one of their blinks in time.

Thank you Brooke and Jake for letting me into your home and spending a late afternoon with me!

Amanda and Landon ~ Utah Spring Engagements

When happiness feels like sunshine. That's Amanda and Landon!

I love these happy Spring engagements, on the warmest of Utah days.

Lucy and Jack

Thoughts on Instagram, that I wanted to remember here.

On Lucy,

Lucy Bear, my sweet, sweet girl. She's someone who is constantly thinking and worried about others. Sports concern her, because she doesn't like that there's a loser. The other day, I got the stomach flu and she popped out of bed and anxiously told me, "Mom! You need to get in the bath right away!" A perfect example is when we were in Disneyland a few months ago. She got tired and asked me to hold her. And as I held her newly gangly body in my arms, she rubbed my back, and arms, making me as comfortable and happy as she knew how. She wraps their world in her arms, and tries her best to heal all it's wounds. She fearlessly defends those she loves, but refuses to do battle with those that wound her. We love our gentle bug, whose eyes twinkle and soul sparkles. She lights up a room and is the sunshine in our lives. Thank you Lucy for being the one to make us Mom and Dad.

On Jack,

He's terrified of snails, and if you ask him, it's their "scawey eyes." He likes riding his bike, which means walking his bike with his helmet on, often pant-less. He desperately wants a dog, following around our cousin's labradoodle version, gently chanting, Molly, Molly, Molly (like a stalker.) And he clarifies, "I want a dog! A big one! Sleep in my bed?" All kids his age are called Baby, although he is steadfastly, "A big boy!" He loves Daddy the best, with me and Lucy tied as second. But he gives me all the kisses I ask for, and he can't function if Lucy isn't right by his side, patiently and not so patiently being tormented by him. He tucks screwdrivers into his diaper, refuses to take his superhero cape off and only answers to Bat Bat His kisses are sticky, his knees are scraped, he leaves a path of destruction everywhere he goes... Jack is my boy. The one I thought I'd never have. I love him so.

Schultz Family ~ First home loves

I believe in showing your heart, but sometimes I let self-doubt and worry hold mine back. I'm not sure why. Mainly it's because I want to be perfect all the time. And I'm most definitely not, so I come up short ALLLLL the time. So, I decided to let go of that. To not worry about perfection, but to just be present. To witness this moment in time, a place of transition for Brooke and her beautiful family. They are leaving this space, and exchanging mountains for oceans. It's got me thinking. Home is those you love, but it's also that physicality of location. The safety net of where you bring your babies home to, and cook in and fight in, and sleep in and love in. It's where you go for refuge. It's the protector of secret heart-aches and dreams. Homes are alive to me, active and messy. I wanted to capture home, the verb, not the noun. And that version isn't perfect, but it's very, very real. Brooke is talented and lovely, a good Momma and a good woman. She's been a friend to me, and I'm so happy I got to share in this afternoon with her sweet family.

Charity and Ian | Utah Autumn Wedding

Clear eyes, full hearts.

That's the way Charity and Ian see the world and it's the way they love everyone in that world.

I'm just so grateful I was able to spin in their orbit for a little bit. One little story. Charity and Ian hand wrote thank you letters to every single wedding dinner guest, including me. I was incredibly touched and I feel like that sums up the two of them pretty well. Always paying it forward, adding to the goodness in the world.

You can view Charity's lovely blog here, where she chronicles their love story and adventure.

Bridal:The Perfect Dress / Suit:HM Cole / Videography: West End Creative Group / Floral and Decor:Lindsay Spencer / Invitations: October Ink, Bjorn Press / DJ: Eli Eyre / Catering: Cozette Carlson, Seine Macarons / Rentals: All out Tent and Event Rental / Rings: Adiamore and Melanie Casey Jewelry / Bridesmaids: Boden, ASOS, Anthropologie